You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
