I think I won the penis lottery.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
