Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize