you have to choose: penises or morals?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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