You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
