i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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