its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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