so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
she told me i tasted like america
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
