You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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