Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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