filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
