how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
