Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
