I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize