He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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