I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Congratulations! We have a period
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
