Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
