so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
