Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
