just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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