Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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