a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
