The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
