the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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