Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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