No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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