Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
