I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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