Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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