I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
