we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
