Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
A+ Viking dick
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
