He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
