They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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