youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
