She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
