Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize