hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
