I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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