All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
