so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
