the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize