For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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