remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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