i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
