he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
