I like my sex mixed with concussions.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
soo... how was my night?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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