Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
