He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
