Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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