I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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