do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
