im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
