you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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