Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Floor bacon is actually really good
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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