Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
