I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize