p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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