Everything about him screamed your future.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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