i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
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