this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize