He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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