I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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