if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
