So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
