so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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