And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
