I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I fill condoms, not promises.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
