It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
