So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
