What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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