i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize