You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I have tasted many bathrooms
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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