Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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