I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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