she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
