just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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