I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
