there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
