he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
