matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
