She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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