True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
