I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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