watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Success! We fucked roommates!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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