I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
