I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
