The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
