Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
