I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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