No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
