the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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