its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
