I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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