she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
