never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
