just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
