Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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